Family Evolution:
The Art of Compromise

Several factors influence the spiritual progress of a family. Ideally, each member is practicing a spiritual discipline. Though everyone doesn't have to walk the same path, believing in a similar creed is bonding. Yet, different paths offer the opportunity to broaden our understanding of other faiths and to become more tolerant. This is not as easy as it sounds: nature has wired our brains to accept as fact whatever we believe. Usually, people believe they are right about things. And while disagreement is intrinsically good because it can spark insight, holding a grudge deteriorates the relationship. By releasing attachment to our ideas and letting the exchange flow, then everyone can benefit. The family is where we learn the art of compromise.

In part, compromise is gained by understanding differences with each party making concessions accordingly. Openly expressing one's views in an open environment without criticism leads to understanding and a willingness to negotiate differences.

One reason people resist compromise is that they believe that others are selfish. "Why should I give them something? He probably won't give anything back." This idea is rooted in a materialistic rather then a spiritual worldview. While it may often be true that people act selfishly, if we are not willing to give, then we will miss opportunities with people who are willing to compromise. By shifting the context and seeing people as more caring than greedy, relationships can go deeper and become more fulfilling; they encourage a give and take environment, which is necessary for growth.

Genetics and intimacy are supportive factors too, but negative parenting can reduce their effectiveness. Negative parenting hinders the growth of everyone involved and injects regressive attitudes into the next generation. If a family transcends this pitfall, it gives everyone an optimal base to heal, learn, reorient, and grow. Genetics also may provide pathways for beings to incarnate into evolutionarily "good stock." In this sense, good stock has little to do with socio-economic class, but rather it would provide a being with a developed mental, emotional, and/or physical body to pursue his or her work.

Intent is another ingredient. If members agree that they, as individuals and as a group, want to evolve, then it can offset selfish tendencies. In addition, the family offers a safe testing ground for ideas and conduct. Members can receive loving support and honest opinions from each other. Often, if one family member advances spiritually, then the whole unit progresses. This is the point, since the family is the "me" that we strive to evolve.

Faithfulness in a relationship is important as well. It establishes trust and strengthens the bond between the couple. It creates a healthier and more stable environment for children and endorses them to be honest and trustworthy. Trust of all family members is critical for growth. However, if a relationship is at an end, then obviously this aspect goes down the proverbial tubes.

We can do plenty to make a family more loving. One is simply to ask, "How can we move forward without [me] infringing on the sovereignty of others?" Just asking opens us to insight. The elements of love, which extend beyond the family as well, include caring, understanding, tenderness, service, and the desire to make others happy.

Families are the basic living cells of society, and the spiritual vibrancy of those cells reveals society's health and progress. Forces that harm the unit can damage both the individual and society. Perhaps this is one reason "protecting the family" is such an important instinct. Yet, there's more to life than this. To look beyond the family is to realize, as Spider Man put it, "There's something bigger happening than me and you." In this instance, the bigger something is social reality. This becomes clear during times of war — our most devilishly inspired act ever. Men (and sometimes women, depending on the culture and intensity of the conflict) leave their families to defend the community, state, or country.