IROOT:NOT — The First Update

(March 6, 1997)

You may have seen the movie Alien or another one of that genre: An alien seed develops inside its human host — gross! When its time to be born, the monster rips open the host's chest and leaps out. The host dies.

Imagine a positive version of that story. Imagine a benevolent Force incubating inside a host. When that Force is "born," it doesn't kill the host. Instead, it miraculously transforms the oblivious human. The Force is like a living kaleidoscope of energy, vaporizing veils, hurling the host into undreamed of places of consciousness. This has been my experience with the birth of IROOT:NOT.

I published the IROOT:NOTics Pre-Ramble back in January of this year and received a variety of comments. Many called it a joke. Others thought it was a parody. A few said that I plagiarized it, one said I was "mocking theists," and another said that I was intoxicated. A few thought there was something to it, and fewer still said I was insane. Call me naive, but besides the "something to it" remark, the other responses surprised me.

At first, I was clueless about the nature of The Force. It was, however, obviously productive. A lengthy list of unique "Products" flooded from my mind onto the computer screen. (No animal testing.) Non-accredited Courses were, without warning, offered to an unsuspecting public. I fearlessly published it all, having full faith (sort of) that The Force - whatever it was - knew what it was doing. I wondered, "What is Instant Karma Rinse and Fear Removal Powder? How am I going to deliver these none-of-a-kind goods?" The Force was tightlipped.

In about a month, IROOT:NOTians appeared on three continents and began anchoring The Force. Orders began dribbling in.

I suddenly knew that Instant Karma Rinse was water that the Force has energetically charged. Fear Removal Power was the powdered form of a mineral known for its fear clearing properties! Wow! I had them all along! The concept of these Products existed in pre-form, waiting anxiously for IROOT:NOTians to call them into being. (Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery.)

IROOT:NOTian Courses developed effortlessly. For instance, the Professor of IROOT:NOTics ("IROOT:NOTics 101") explains the many axioms, principles, and definitions of this new movement of consciousness. The Doctor of IROOT:NOTics carries the esoteric messages of the movement. Like a real-life anti-virus program, it disassembles alien viruses. In addition, it restores corrupted transbrain thought clusters to their pristine form. These clusters are then quietly updated in the background - while you sleep!

The Titles that we offer reveal much about the people who order them. Our ever-popular "Mystic Scientist" implies a fragrant blend of mysticism and rational thinking. "The Unsavior" involves self-responsibility and surrender. Unlike most titles, though, you can't invest much ego in these. I don't go around saying, "Hi, I'm Evin, The Unsavior. Whuz happnin?" I only bear this Title when The Force uses me. Although a Title reflects mostly internal realities, they do affect our "real world" experience, as well. Who these Titles say we are, is only a small (but luminous) facet of our wholeness.

I've been analyzing the energetic effects of this energy vector (The Force). It sears paradoxes as nonchalantly as a chef sears shrimp. Its energy parallels that of the Hindu god, Kali. Sure, it will rip your pictures of reality to shreds, but it will slice them gracefully, mercifully. (We are dealing with refined alchemy.) You can almost hear it whisper, "Kamaishana."

Sometimes, IROOT:NOTian energy is difficult to handle. That's because it handles YOU, and not the other way around. ("But I like to be in control!" "Buy a dog!") You can, however, understand its quasi-esoteric nature by using a metaphysical version of the Uncertainty Principle.

Just when you think that you've finally figured it out, The Force pulls the floor out from under you. You're in free fall - VOID DIVING again. (You're really falling upward.) You say, "Hmmm. . . " or "Ahhhh!!!" Now you have to find a new balance. In a short time, though, you align yourself with The Force, creating cosmic ripples. These ripples transform into a polished, hardwood floor of reality that supports you psychologically. You don't have to sacrifice your integrity and become a True Believer in some half-baked group ideal! (IROOT:NOT is toasted to a golden perfection. . . .)

I realized that IROOT:NOTics contains an innate anti-True Believer mechanism. How can anyone be a True Believer in something as . . . as . . . well, tongue-in-cheekish as this? (A couple of Products are a part of this mechanism.)

IROOT:NOT has a life independent of it's co-creator (me). Like an angel with rainbow wings, it sprays cosmic graffiti inside my rapidly emptying head. Is the angel sharing cosmic secrets with me, or is it coaxing me to waddle so far into the Mystery that I'll never find my way out?!? Regarding the Mystery, some IROOT:NOTians believe that WE'RE ALREADY IN OVER OUR HEADS. Being lost in it is natural. Humans see everything upside down anyway.